Sunday, July 4, 2010
Some theory for ya'll
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Mathematics
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair!!
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Funny how life works
Unfortunately the picture isn't coming out big enough to read the text, but give it a click and it'll magically appear bigger!!!!
Gotta love kids!!!
The teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters "I L U" written on it.
She asks who left the apple, and little Anna raises her hand. "Well, sweetie, what does 'I L U' mean?"
The little girl replies, "I love you." The teacher says, "Isn't that sweet" and continues with class.
The next day the teacher finds cherries on her desk with the letters "Y A S" written on it.
She asks ho left the cherries and what the letters mean. Charlie raises his hand and says, "It means, ' you are special.'
"Thank you sweetheart," the teacher says.
The following day, the Teacher walks in to find a huge banana with the letters F..U..C..K written on it.
The enraged teacher asks who left it. Little Gatiep raises his hand and cheerfully says, "Yes ma'am, I left it.... It means, From Us Coloured Kids.
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