Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The best out of office replies
1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged R5.99 for the first 10 words and R199 for each additional word in your message.
6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over....)
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
9. I've run away to join a different circus.
10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Susan' instead of Steve.
Piet and Koos
Piet and Koos, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.
Piet turns to Koos and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life
without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college,
and sign up for some classes."
Koos thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Piet goes
down to the college and meets dean of Admissions, who signs him up for
the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Piet says. "What's that?"
The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"
"Yeah."
"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you
would have a yard."
"That's true, I do have a yard."
"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think
logically that you would have a house."
"Yes, I do have a house."
"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
family."
"Yes, I have a family."
"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must
have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must
be a heterosexual."
"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to findout all of
that because I have a weed eater."
Excited to take the class now, Piet shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to
go meet Koos at the bar. He tells Koos about his classes, how he is
signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Koos says, "What's that?"
Piet says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"
"No."
"Then you're a moffie .........."
Apple launched its iPhone 4 globally
Apple yesterday launched their iPhone 4 in Britain, France, Germany and Japan and the United States yesterday, with Apple faithful queuing to be the first to show off Apple’s latest offering.
The iPhone 4, which boasts video chat, high-definition video and sharper screen resolution, is however still going to take a few months to arrive on local shores.
Vodacom previously confirmed that it will launch iPhone 4 later this year, but the company could not say more other than that it will be in South Africa “in the coming months”.
Apple has indicated that the new iPhone will be available in 18 other countries in July and 24 more in August, but speculation suggests that South Africa is only going to see the iPhone 4 in mid-September as the country forms part of a ‘next wave’ of iPhone launches (determined by Apple).
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.
WELL...YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA,WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .
'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED , 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALD,
WRINKLED,
FAT A@S,
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
SON-OF-A-BI!CH ASKED,
'WHAT DID YOU TEACH ???
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