THE LESSON FROM A DONKEY!

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out
what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered
up anyway;

it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him.
They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly..
Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.
He was astonished at what he saw.
With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something
amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,
he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up
over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.

The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.
Each of our troubles is a steppingstone.
We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!
Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from God.

THE MAN RULES

AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN

FINALLY , THE GUYS' SIDE OF THE STORY.
( I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.)
WE ALWAYS HEAR " THE RULES"
FROM THE FEMALE SIDE....

NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE.

THESE ARE OUR RULES!
PLEASE NOTE.. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT.
YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN.
WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.
YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. SUNDAY SPORTS, IT'S LIKE THE FULL MOON
OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES.
LET IT BE.

1.. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.


1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT.
IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.


1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE.
DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING
OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE.
NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT , JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS..

1. JAN VAN RIEBEECK DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF IT ITCHES, IT WILL BE SCRATCHED.
WE DO THAT.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY "NOTHING," WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG.
WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE..

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE... REALLY .

1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS RUGBY
OR CRICKET OR MOTORSPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.
YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT;


BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING.

So Paul... Whats next?

The evolution of man and television!!!

wow... well done Banksy

Twitpic - Share photos on Twitter
An interesting piece of artwork done by the artist "Banksy" saying "keep your coins, I want change". what a powerful piece of work!

Xabi Alonso takes one for the team!! OUCH

World cup referee theory... Clearly not designed by a Spanish fan

Iniesta after scoring the only goal in the 2010 football world cup final

Wow... champs of the world cup thanks to this man!!! click the image for a read!!!

Hi my name is Jack

Please don't get any ideas, MOM

Superman got a new dress code!!

Mr. Zuma (president of South Africa) supports Football Friday!!!

What a man!

Can you guess what this is?

It's a hard disk drive back in 1956... With 5 MB of storage.

In September 1956 IBM launched the 305 RAMAC, the first 'SUPER' computer with a hard disk drive (HDD). The HDD weighed over a ton and stored a 'whopping' 5 MB of data.

Do you appreciate your 4 GB memory stick a little more now?

The Nike Effect!!!

No doubt you have seen the flashy Nike advert during the World Cup. Entitled 'Write the future', it imagines the future in the event of success or failure for a number of key, big name players.

No doubt you have seen the flashy Nike advert on the telly during the World Cup. Entitled 'Write the future', it imagines the future in the event of success or failure for a number of players.

Nike launched its TV ad for the 2010 World Cup, it featured some of the world's top football players and Homer Simpson and had a great soundtrack by Dutch prog rockers Focus.

Cristiano Ronaldo, Didier Drogba, Wayne Rooney, Fabio Cannavaro, Franck Ribery, Andres Iniesta, Cesc Fabregas and Theo Walcott feature along with cameo appearances from Kobe Bryant and Homer Simpson.

But let's tear apart the advert and what the message meant and see what happened to each of the 'stars'.

The ad for example features Wayne Rooney giving the ball away in the last minute and is then pictured living in a trailer park, sporting a dirty vest and a long bushy beard. But Rooney chases back and executes a perfect tackle. Cue footage of a meeting with The Queen, and a hospital ward full of babies called Wayne.

Ronaldinho started the curse by not even getting in the Brazilian squad, although he has probably enjoyed the World Cup more than most lazing on a beach.

Didier Drogba broke his arm in a friendly warm-up match then struggled through a fruitless campaign for Ivory Coast who were knocked out at the group stage.

Franck Ribery was meant to be France's big star, but became a leading protagonist in the incredible mutiny that consumed Les Bleus; appearing on the TV to claim he was not a trouble-maker one minute, refusing to train the next. He went home early with the rest of the team.

Fabio Cannavaro looked a mere shadow of his former self. He was humiliated by tiny New Zealand and Slovakia and led his Italy side to a humiliating first-round exit along with the French.

Wayne Rooney wore a face like a scowl throughout the tournament , played like a man several divisions below Premier League status let alone world class and went out in the second round. Maybe he wanted to live in a caravan eating cold beans and sporting a Worzel Gummidge beard.

Cristiano Ronaldo, is out after his Portugal side lost to Spain - the third time in four matches they had failed to score. His World Cup failed to ignite at all.

Write the future? I think these guys have pretty much wrapped up their futures! Oh, and what about Homer Simpson? DOH! what's he going to do?

Check out these stop signs!! (click the sign for more)

Believe it or not....This world cup is already determined by the numbers....

1. Brazil won the World Cup in 1994; before that they also won in 1970. Adding 1970 + 1994= 3964

2. Argentina won its last World Cup in 1986; before that they also won In 1978. Adding 1978 + 1986= 3964

3. Germany won its last World Cup in 1990; before that they also won In 1974. Adding 1974 + 1990= 3964

4. Brazil also won the World Cup in 2002; before that they also won in 1962. Adding 1962+ 2002= 3964

5. Therefore if you want to know what nation is going to win the World Cup in 2010, you only have to subtract 2010 from the magic number that we Have determined: 3964 minus 2010 = 1954... In 1954 the World Cup was Won by Germany!!!

excuse the nudity, but anyone care to shed some light on this ordeal?

Whats your theory?

Have you ever seen anything like this??

Is this real or not???

Wow

Winning trophies isn't always all that fun

Live & Love

Some theory for ya'll

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

 

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

 

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

 

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

 

Mathematics

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair!!

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

 

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

 

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

 

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Funny how life works

Unfortunately the picture isn't coming out big enough to read the text, but give it a click and it'll magically appear bigger!!!!

Some world cup humor for ya'll

Gotta love kids!!!

The teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters "I L U" written on it.

She asks who left the apple, and little Anna raises her hand. "Well, sweetie, what does 'I L U' mean?"

The little girl replies, "I love you." The teacher says, "Isn't that sweet" and continues with class.

The next day the teacher finds cherries on her desk with the letters "Y A S" written on it.

She asks ho left the cherries and what the letters mean. Charlie raises his hand and says, "It means, ' you are special.'

"Thank you sweetheart," the teacher says.

The following day, the Teacher walks in to find a huge banana with the letters F..U..C..K written on it.

The enraged teacher asks who left it. Little Gatiep raises his hand and cheerfully says, "Yes ma'am, I left it.... It means, From Us Coloured Kids.

How to really use a vuvuzela

Another one of them vuvuzela moments

Another stab at Lady Gaga

Much to all but South Africa's Dismay

The best out of office replies

1.     I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
2.     You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3.     Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
4.     I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5.     Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged R5.99 for the first 10 words and R199 for each additional word in your message.
6.     The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

         (The beauty of this is that   when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over....)
7.     Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8.     Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
9.     I've run away to join a different circus.
10.  I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Susan' instead of Steve.

Hows this for a conversation

Piet and Koos

Piet and Koos, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.

Piet turns to Koos and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life
without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college,
and sign up for some classes."

Koos thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Piet goes
down to the college and meets dean of Admissions, who signs him up for
the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Piet says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"
"Yeah."

"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you
would have a yard."
"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think
logically that you would have a house."
"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
family."
"Yes, I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must
have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must
be a heterosexual."
"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to findout all of
that because I have a weed eater."

Excited to take the class now, Piet shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to
go meet Koos at the bar. He tells Koos about his classes, how he is
signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Koos says, "What's that?"
Piet says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"
"No."
"Then you're a moffie .........."

 

Apple launched its iPhone 4 globally

Apple yesterday launched their iPhone 4 in Britain, France, Germany and Japan and the United States yesterday, with Apple faithful queuing to be the first to show off Apple’s latest offering.

The iPhone 4, which boasts video chat, high-definition video and sharper screen resolution, is however still going to take a few months to arrive on local shores.

Vodacom previously confirmed that it will launch iPhone 4 later this year, but the company could not say more other than that it will be in South Africa “in the coming months”.

Apple has indicated that the new iPhone will be available in 18 other countries in July and 24 more in August, but speculation suggests that South Africa is only going to see the iPhone 4 in mid-September as the country forms part of a ‘next wave’ of iPhone launches (determined by Apple).

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.

WELL...YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA,WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .
'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED , 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALD,
WRINKLED,
FAT A@S,
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
SON-OF-A-BI!CH ASKED,

'WHAT DID YOU TEACH ???

gotta love the iPhone